i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
