Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My feet surprised me
Randomize
