he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize