Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he fucked my hip out of place.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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