she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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