I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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