home. puking in laundry basket.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
