you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
