your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
