Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You took a bar mat shot.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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