My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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