awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize