Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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