I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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