Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
