She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
