I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
