I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
