So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
