I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
