I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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