I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
