my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
