He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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