I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
