I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
