We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if only i could text you this smell
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
