my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
