my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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