Define "chronic" masturbator.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
