some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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