i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
