All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
