You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
