I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize