We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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