Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize