STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
