eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
