I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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