I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
