i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said her name was "party"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
