Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
