I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
