I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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