I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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