he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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