I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
