the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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