On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
