It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
