I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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