Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
