Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
