you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize