When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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