he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
