evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
