remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
