Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
