My sheets look like a crime scene.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize