she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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