Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
