Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
