So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
