Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
