last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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