C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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