A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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