Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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(478): View more from Georgia

how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?

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(518): View more from New York

I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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(330): View more from Ohio

I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left

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(440): View more from Ohio

Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.

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(360): View more from Washington

No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.

(1-360): View more from Washington

You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.

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(516): View more from New York

I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us

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(989): View more from Michigan

I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.

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