Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
