That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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