I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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