Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
