"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think people are normalizing furries
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
