I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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