HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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