My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
