porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize