She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
