if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
