nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize