yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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