Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
