I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
