And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
