imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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