The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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