I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
