know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
