i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
True strength comes from lack of pants
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