he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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