i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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