I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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