Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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