It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
