Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
