I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
