Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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