Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
