I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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