Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
from now on my penis is your penis
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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