its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
