I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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